Steps

Various problems have happened recently, but at the same time, some little happiness in life has happened for me as well. I have met a good bunch of people, both in reality and the virtual world. It has indeed come quite some ways for me but I hope that this little happiness that I'm experiencing will be able to last for a moment longer. Of course, life moves on, regardless of what one may do to preserve what it is right now. Who knows? I may be simply trying my best to look away from the more painful things that are coming a me, perhaps avoiding or perhaps trying to look at it from another way. Am I starting to set on the path that I'm supposed to experience? I sure hope it is, though I must admit that the pessimistic side of my mind is definitely pushing in bad ideas onto me every now and then. I may be blessed with some people around me now, but at the same time, I cannot help but realize that there is still something that is itching and crying out a the back of my mind.

I may have said some pretty big words a few days ago to a certain friend, but am I not the same myself sometimes? I get greedy, wanting more of that appreciation and being depended on, wanting to share my concerns, wanting to share my thoughts. But I know that I am yet to be in that place, or perhaps in another way of seeing, I have yet to have such a place to stand in. There is a fortified place inside of me that I do allow people to enter from time to time, but people may never know about it. There are two explanations to this: it is simply too empty and have to little to truly be seen, or that it is not something that anyone would comprehend.

But as of now, I am rather content with what I have, to the extend that I might even say that I'm at the peak of my life. I am happily studying and acquiring new knowledge,enjoying the company of some really cute people around me, who are actually enjoying some of the fruit that I've grown, sitting under the tiny shade under the tree that I planted. I am actually happy doing all these, despite it being a rather tiring job, so tiring that other people are saying that I am in quite a lot of stress. But people like me are people who have worked hard in getting what they have today, including this tiny happiness. I believe that is why I am working ever so harder to be even more happy, cause, perhaps yes, I am greedy. Part of me do not want to go back into those days where I work for nothing. The long lack of people's accreditation, the lack of being relied on, perhaps I do not want that kind of loneliness already, part of me. But how long will this last? Time flows, people and the town will change, and so will I. And I am but a mere human. I have physical limitations. How long will that last me? Once my limit is reached and I cannot go on, will all these end? If so, is this happiness even truly... I mustn't say that, for it will only mean that I am denying all these people, whole I have came to learn to love and work hard for.

Look for a new happiness, is perhaps what we all have to remind ourselves of, when the current happiness has somehow ended. Nothing is permanent in this world. But I shall treasure what I have now, and let those that are slowly slipping away have its way once I have put in my effort in preserving it.